Baran ders fena bugün kardeşim konumuz evlilik düşündüm dedim ki ahmet bu boşanmaların en büyük sebebi nedir dedim meğer evlilikmiş abi ve bütün bu işler ümit besenin eski kız arkadaşına nikah şahitliği yapması ile başlamış olay ondan sonra ucunu tutamamışız Mustafa abi bizim bir insan hayatını çok ciddi manada etkiliyor yani evlilik dediğin on bin tane bağı var ama sen Rıza-ı İlahiye istikametinde bu evliliğinin başlangıcını ve devamını sürdürmezsen İşin neticesi çok fena bir dolanmaca varıyor abi Benim aklıma şöyle bir hadise geliyor. Pirus diye bir zafer var tarihten Bu Romalılar Yunanlılara saldırınca bir tane Yunan kral var Pirus diye bu adamın on bin tane askeri var On bin tane askeriyle çöküyor Romalılara Şimdi bu hadiseyi özelleştiren şey nedir, Baran? On bin askeriyle çöküyor Ve işin sonunda sadece on beş kişi kalıyorlar, Fatih. ve tarihte bu olaya da zafer ismi veriyorlar, Pirus Zaferi diyorlar. şimdi biz, evliliğimizi başlangıçta Allah’ın rızası istikametinde yapmayınca bir insanın on binlerce bağı olan bir evlilik sosyal yaşamın evlilikle alakalı, ahiret yaşamın evlilikle alakalı çevren, iç huzurun. Öyle değil mi, Kağan abi. içtimaya yattın, çocuklarının ahlâkı. Namaz kılıp kılmaman bile bir çoğu zaman evlilikle çok bağlantılı, müteallik oluyor. e sen 10 bin tane bağı olan bir meseleye Böyle bodozlama dalınca, Hiç Cenab-ı Allah burda ne demiş? Resulullah, acaba bize neleri önermiş diye dalınca abi.. 10 bin tane bağdan 15 tane bağ ile Evliliğin devam ediyor, ve sen hâlâ bunu zafer olarak görebiliyosun. Şimdi burası çok tehlikeli oluyor Biz şimdi abi sosyal medyada Bazı kardeşler yazıyo yani Bazı soruları oluyor. Mesela bi tanesi yazmış işte, Eşimle şu sorunum, bu sorunum, böyle problemim , şunum var falan. Dedim, yahu kardeşim sizin eşinizle ortak özelliğiniz nedir dedim. Aynı gün evlendik dedi. 🙂 yani başka bir ortak özelliği yok abi şimdi bak şu mantıktan bir düşünelim Bedir Abi sevdiklerimiz öldüğünde, sevme kabiliyetimiz ölmüyorsa demek bu filmin bi devamı var Yani otuz, altmış, kırk, elli yıl geç. bu işin bir sonsuza bakan bir yanı var. ve madem o sevme kabiliyeti ölmüyorsa kalbimizi an ve an sevgiyi yaratan bir zat var. ama sorun şurda ! Biz acaba o zatın rızasına göre davranışlarımızı, evlilik hayatımızı kurabiliyor muyuz ? Şimdi bu kısımlar çok önemli. Geçen burada kardeşlerle konuşuyoruz. Dedim ya dedim, geçen bir arkadaş bahsetti bana… işte sevdiği ona facebook şifresini vermemiş diye ilişkileri bitmiş, terk etmiş dedim… Abi benim sevdiğim olsun Da Vinci’nin şifresini vereyim ya… Ya oradan bakma işte ya! Koparıyon konuyu ya!.. Facebook da bir tane kardeşim var böyle genç, ergen, yakışıklı, karizma ayda yirmi dört tane ilişki değiştirmiş. yazmış aşka inancım kalmadı diye. Yahu dur daha yedi milyar var ya. Bir de onları dene ya. Yani bu zaviyeden bakınca olay problem oluyor ya. Bir de Fatih sen bilirsin bu ergenlikte şey olur hani. ‘Tamam’ mesajı gelir. Ona böyle cevap yazmaya çalışırsın. Böyle hani olur ya abi o haram sevdalarda ergenlik dönemlerinde. Mesut sen de iyi bilirsin. Kız ‘ tamam ‘ yazar. Sen ona bir şey yetiştirmek için böyle titrersin. Tamam yazdı ben ne yazsam o bana geri… Üç tarafı saçlarınla çevrili yüzünde, dört mevsim yaşanır. Ya bu işin romantik kısmı. Böyle o tamama, hani konuşma devam etsin diye çabalarda çabalarsın. Bir de bunun racon tipi var: Bize taş atana biz gül atarız… ama mezarına. Birde Müslümancası var bunun: Biz senle farklı namaz vakitlerinin insanlarıyız mübarek.
Hayalhanem Presents Translated by: Nizzy Is Marriage Fate? We’ll speak downright today, guys. It is about marriage. I thought and said: What is the biggest reason of all marriages? It is marriage. 🙂 All these doings… started when Umit Besen became a best man for his ex. And everything went out of control from then on. Leave from this joke aside, Marriage affects us in many ways: It creates tons of bonds. But… if you ignore Allah’s consent before, during and after the marriage process, …then you bump into a dead end or a gridlock. I came up with a story. The story of a victory called Pyrrhus. When Romans attacked Greeks ruled by a King named Pyrrhus, …who had 10.000 soldiers at his disposal. He attacked Romans with those soldiers. But what makes this story so special? He charges Romans with all of those soldiers. In the end, they are just 15 people around. And they call it a victory. The victory of Pyrrhus. Likewise, when we don’t marry according to Allah’s consent in the first place, then that marriage which creates hundreds and thousands of bonds around us… …that affect your social life, your Hereafter, your peace of mind, your sense of well-being, …your kids’s morality, even the fact that you pray everyday or not, …I mean when you run head-on towards with something that will radically change your life, without even considering Allah and His Messenger Mohammad pbuh’s suggestions, you end up with maintaning your marriage with 15 bonds out of 10.000, …and you can still call this “a victory”. You know what? This is dangerous. We get so many posts from our followers every day. They talk about their problems. For example, one of them posts like “I have such and such problems with my wife.” I had to ask him: “Don’t you share anything in common?” He replied: “Our marriage date.” All in all, they share nothing in common, unfortunately. I want you to consider this: If our love for our beloved ones doesn’t go away when they die, …this proves a sequel for our life movie. I’m not talking about our limited lifespans, 50 or 60 years, I am talking about eternity. So if our love for them doesn’t fade away, there is someone who creates this sense of love with every moment. But the problem is, can we really adapt our actions to our marriage in accordance with His consent? Stay with me now. We recently mentioned this issue with our friends, One of those guys broke up with his girlfriend just because he didn’t give her his Facebook password. “Man, I would give her The Da Vinci Code if she were mine.” he said. :))) Man, that’s not what I am talking about. I have a friend on Facebook. He is young and charming. He had 24 love affairs in one month. He posted: “I have no faith in love anymore.” Take it easy, boy! There are 7 billions of them yet to come.:)) It gets quite problematic when you look at it this way. And, Fatih, you know this: In puberty, you know it, man. A text: “It’s done.” You try to reply. It happens in puberty, between those forbidden lovers, Mesut, it is in your domain. The girl texts: “Done.” You tremble with excitement, saying: “How will I text back?” I live four seasons in your face Covered by your hair real nice. He tries to be romantic. He tries real hard to maintain the conversation with the girl as much as possible. And there is a macho version: “You throw stones at me, I’ll throw roses at you.” I’ll throw them on your grave. And there is a Muslim version of this: We are too apart to come together for the same prayer. No, that’s not it. I am not talking about these. There is something coming up. Do we really have to do these all? Do we need to act according to occasionalism? Will my beloved one find me even if I do nothing sitting here? Even if I don’t resort to causality? Here comes the ultimate question: IS MARRIAGE FATE? Why do people have troubles? Who do they undergo hardships? By this, I mean to ask: Will Allah bring before me all the things I need? Or should I go after the cause and effect relation to get them? So what was the question? Is marriage fate? We’ll elaborate on this issue, but it is too late for you now, man. You are 31 now. 🙂 Before talking about marriage, I need to elaborate on 3 concepts about fate: So we need to agree on them very well. The first concept is ETERNITY. Eternity… is NOT the endpoint of the past… so it can be confined within the body of matter… …and thus be appointed a mission or a necessity. What do we know about eternity in common? Misled by that series called Eternity. We call it past times. Eternity does not mean past times. So what does it mean? Eternity encompasses… the past, the present, and the future. It overlooks them from a higher point. Let’s analyze this sentence: Does eternity mean the past? No, it doesn’t. Eternity encompasses the past, the present and the future at the same time. To illustrate, At present, I am reading a book. What will I do in the future? Drink water. In the past, I talked on the phone. First, I talked on the phone. Now I am reading. Next, I am going to drink water. Suppose that I am holding a mirror. When I look at the mirror this close, I can only see the book. I mean the present time. When I hold this mirroe a little higher, its reflection angle will widen a bit, right. …and it will comprise a small part of the past in which I talked on the phone, …and a small part of the future in which I am going to drink water, ..and all of the present time. But if I take this mirror… and lift it to the eternity point, ,the directrices of the past, the present and the future all together, being all parallel lines, they all intersect at the eternity point. So I mean, what will happen if I lift this mirror to an infinite point? All these past, present and future points will look like one single point. Therefore, it is out of question to talk about time and space at that infinite point. Eternity does NOT mean before the past. It encompasses all 3 tenses together. So…did we all get the gist? (Summarizes) So it is not true to envisage a beginning point somewhere before the past and call it eternity. ??? (Summarizes again) Now let’s go to the second sentence. We all need to understand the first term very well before we talk about the second. The first one is ETERNITY. Second, fate is a sort of divine knowledge. Divine knowledge? Knowledge means something you know, right? You mean…does fate do nothing? Yes, friends. Fate is not the doer. Fate, or more precisely predestination, is about Allah’s eternal knowledge. The doer is not fate itself. How interesting. Fate is a sort of divine knowledge. Is fate the doer? No. Good. It means “knowing”.. For example, I know how you will stand up, right? But can I make you do it? I can’t. I just know it. That’s all. The sentence is the key. Pay attention to the second sentence now. Knowledge is subject to the known. Knowledge means knowing something. And the known means something we know. Knowledge depends on the known. Will you repeat, please? Knowledge is subject to the known. In short, We don’t act the way Allah prescribed our fate. Allah prescribed our fate so because He already knew how we would act. Clear enough? Let me give an example to this: I am a Maths teacher in a town called Bitlis. Bedir, I want you to be one of my students there. OK, let me make you feel in Bitlis. While we were walking down the side slops of Bitlis, I saw you, Bedir… …hop and hop in the moors on Bitlis like a gazelle. You feel it, too? Sorry for any inconvenient words. Bedir is one of my students in Bitlis. But he is one of his kind. He is prankish and naughty. You seldom come to my lectures. And whenever I see you, I ask you: What is 3 times 5? You say: 3.5. “Bedir, what is 2 times 2”? I ask. You reply: “While buying or selling?” You have no idea about what I am talking baout. I mean your Maths is terrible. I very well know with my Maths knowledge that Bedir’s Maths is terrible. Bedir bullies his classmates, He forces them to give him their money. He steals their Taso and play cards. He is one problem child. Psychologically and sociologically, he is bad to the core. He never studies, He never becomes a good boy. He is useless. So I want you to contemplate on this: I say to Bedir: “I am going to put you into a Maths test tomorrow.” Remember Bedir can’t add numbers. Psychologically looking, he is no good at all. But I … I will put him into a calculus test. After I say this, I write a big “zero” for his mark. But Bedir, I don’t let you see it. The next day, you come to class. He takes the test. He really can’t do the calculus. Then he scores zero. But then if I go and say to him: “Look, I have already given you a zero.” Can you say “I scored zero because of you.” He can’t. But how did I know that he would get zero? Of course, with all my partial knowledge of Maths, psychology and sociology. So if I really knew he would fail with all the partial knowledge there is to know about him, How can Allah, who knows everything there is to know about you… with his Eternal knowledge that encompasses the past, the present and the future, …ever not know what you are going to do in the future? Isn’t the sentence crucial? You don’t act the way Allah prescribed your fate. Allah knew how you would act. Thus He prescribed your fate accordingly. Let me give you one more example: There is a highway here. Two cars are coming. They travel without seeing each other. I go up a hill nearby and watch them move on. As a Mathematician, this car goes on at a specific speed. And so does the other one here. The distance, you determine it. They don’t see one another. Looking downwards from the hill, They will collide each other 1 hour 32 mins and 47 secs later. It is simple to know this, isn’t it? Just formulize it. And find the result. And 1 hours 32 mins and 47 secs pass. and these two cars collide. Then if I go down to the accident scene.. …holding a piece of paper on which the formula reads, and tell them: “You have collided with each other because I prescribed it.”, would it sound logical? Of course not. So what did I actually do? I guessed the collision with some knowledge I had in my disposal. Look, here is the thing: If… If they would have collided with each other according to my formula in the first place, I could have written down here like this: They are going to turn into cotton candies on the brink of collision. Would something like that come into exitence? No. That is to say, They didn’t collide because I wrote so. I wrote because I knew they would. This is the meaning of “Knowledge is subject to the known.” What was our first concept? Eternity. Did you get it? What was the second one? Knowledge is subject to the known. That means, We do not act the way Allah has prescribed. Because Allah knew with His Eternal knowledge that how we would act, He prescribed so. We get the second one, right? Now the third concept: The third one means a lot to me. It is “Limited willpower”. People usually misunderstand this Limited Willpower. Especially those who call themselves doomed. Allah did so and such to me. They commit a very deadly sin, unintentionally. So let’s take a look at “Limited Willpower”. Human’s willpower and decision-making power is rather feeble. How is our willpower, according to the definition? It’s weak. It’s simple. I am gonna talk about it soon. It is something relative. However, Allah the Almighty, ..has made that limited willpower… an ordinary preprequisite to His Ultimate WillPower. That is, Allah puts a simple prerequisite to every incident that He is about to create. So He means to say: O my servant! It is up to you to choose. But whichever path you choose, I will guide you to that. So the responsibility is yours. How do I put it? You have erected a 50 or 100 storey building. Next you put an elevator in it. On the first floor is a pool., On the second floor is a facility with a lot of cars in it. Third floor is such. So is fourth. On the top floor, there are beautiful women, delicious dishes, an amazing party and so on. But when you press the minus first floor button, the temperature is 100 degrees celcius down there. In minus two, the temp is 200 degrees celcius. In minus 3, the temp is 300 degrees celcius You get hotter and hotter as you go down. You put a system like this. So what can I only do with the willpower I have? To press the elevator button. This is limited willpower. I hit the 10th floor button. Did I create everything in the 10th floor? No. The doors? No. Dishes? No. Women? No. So who did? The one who erected that building there. Likewise, It is Allah swt who has created the Universe and all the events that shall take place. You role here is… to press the button of the elevator, using your willpower. For instance, you drip a little of black ink in a glass of milk, and all the milk is painted black. Likewise, you have a willpower inside of you. Allah puts that limited willpower into action so that you feel you have taken a part in it. This is how Allah creates all events. Veysel, will you please stand up? You can do it, man. Veysel, did “you” stand up? Yes or no? Don’t fake out. Did you do it or not? Was it you who stood up? You may sit down. In order that you can stand up, you need to have full control over the laws of thrust and attraction. It is a really appendant issue. In order that you can stand up, the Earth must keep rotating at a speed of 1670 kmph, and 108.000 kmph around the Sun, as well as 400 billion galaxies must keep orbiting without rotating each other. The carbon cycle must be in perfect condition. All fine tuned phemonema in the universe must maintain their perfect state forever more. In order that you can stand up, you need to know which skeleton system of yours you need to put into action. You also need to know how to use your leg muscles. You also need to have your nerve cells convey signals to your respective organs. Now tell me. Don’t fake out, man! Did “you” stand up? So all in all, You decided to stand up, and Allah created your stand up action. Without even knowing which muscles I need to use, ..how can I do that? So limited willpower is not even as effective as a blink of an eye. An inner desire… and Allah creates all actions…. in accordance with your willpower… …all resulting from your tiny little desire inside of you. We are about to finish our topic. What was our question today? Forgot it? Do you remember today’s question? You are going to marry soon. How can you? Is marriage fate? Stay with me. By that, what do we mean? Does Allah know that we are going to marry? Let’s be more precise. Does Allah know about these two people? Makes no sense, right? If someone who has full knowledge about the past, the present and the future, …knows about you, of course, marriage is fate. But i mean my friend’s good intention. Ok. I got it is prescribed. It is fate. But without me doing nothing, will she run into me all of a sudden one day? Or will I be able to meet her after I make all these efforts, struggling and challenging all hardships? There are two types of fate: The first one is arbitrary. (destiny) We hustle and bustle to make our livings. We get our money afterwards, right? It is about our choices. For instance, you try to stop a taxi with reciting a chapter in the Holy book, but you will fail to do so. Because this hand gesture is all it takes to stop taxi. This is destiny. That is, Allah swt has set you free in your decisions. Yet He fully knows what you are going to do. It would be nonsense if He didn’t. Second is… Predestination. Did you play any role in your birth? No. Your birth is predestined. What about your gender? Or your physical appearance? What will you look like? How tall will you be? These are all predestined. Allah swt creates your marriage process according to the arbitrary scheme of fate. I mean, it is all up to you and your decisions. But the thing is, Allah knows who you will meet. He just wants you to resort to casuality. But sometimes, Allah swt has so distinguished servants… …they are parts of the scheme of predestination. Even if they don’t move their fingers, either Allah will bestow them a very good life partner… …so that they thank Him a lot, or He will give them a marriage full of troubles and hardships… …so that they can be as patient as they can. It’s all well and good but what is it gonna be? Let me tell you. Consequently, these two are fate. After this conversation,… I don’t want to see Aydın go to your girlfriend’s older brother and say, “Will you be my children’s uncle?” Don’t do it! If you want to hold something warm, …hold a cup of tea for now. That is one of the mistakes that young people make. They want to hold hands to feel closer, right? But what they don’t realize is… …that they get farther. They could have thought this way: Allah swt,who knows how to put all those seeds in a single pomegrenate neat and tidy, also knows in whose heart He will place me. Just have full faith in Him. Or is it no good even if you tried? They could have said: You just can’t do it no matter how you have tried. But how least favorable it turns out to be. You say, it couldn’t have been any least favorable. Then you remember: If you put your trust in fate, no sorrow will knock your gate. Al-Fatihah for the love of Allah. Hayalhanem Presented… Translated by: Nizzy (I ask forgiveness from Allah for all mistranslations)