If Dating is Haram How Are We Supposed To Get Married? | Osman Sungur Yeken

If dating is haram, how are we supposed to get married? The biggest question young people ask is of course not “Brother, how can we split an atom?” Do you know what the single question most commonly asked of us is? It is not “how can we be an Islamic union?” “how can I stop the cruelty towards the ummah?” “how can I prevent the unfairness in the world” “how can I save my hereafter? It is unfortunately not one of these… Instead that question is “Dating is haram, so how are we supposed to get married?” Let’s dive into this question in two steps: Dating is already haram. Those who follow us understand this after a while, and they end their haram relationship. Haram relationship is like poisonous honey, while eating, you taste it is honey its delicious but you don’t know its poisoned its very dangerous eventually this taste may kill you. Be careful, brother. Devil is in the house.. The second part of the question is: “Well, how are we supposed to get married?” Brother, firstly do not panic. Calm down and relax. If it’s your destiny, she will find you at the right time. If it’s your destiny, even if the whole world is against you, nothing can prevent you from finding the right person at the right time in the right place. But if it’s not granted, even if the whole world comes together to help you, no one can help you. But do not forget: Sometimes we think that our decisions are good but afterwards we see that it wasn’t good. So You cannot know which one is good for you because you cannot see the future, but Allah sees and knows everything. That is why you have to rely on Allah! you have to trust. Sometimes you’ll really want something to happen, you pray for it for hours. You cry for it. but it won’t, Allah doesn’t accept your dua. However, when it does not happen, and you see the divine reason and understand that why Allah didn’t accept your wish, you say o Allah thank you for not accepting my wish. You change your mind and be thankful to Allah So pray for the marriage But trust on Allah. Do not try to choose the haram path, like dating. Dating is actually a matter of the amusing yourself or playing the field. It has no seriousness. Does it have any benefit for marriage? Actually no. Some might believe that through dating they will get to know each other and that it is not possible to marry someone without first getting to know your prospective future partner? Brother, make a note of this: you can only see the real face of someone after marrying the person. Pre-marriage words and actions are not reflective of a person’s character: most of the time these behaviors are displayed to impress the other person, which will definitely change after you get married. Thus, pre-marriage dating games will not help you get to know your future wife or husband. Besides, you will just be left alone with your sin. Most teens, even though they are religious, make lots of mistakes with the hope of marriage. They then regret it so badly. They gullibly assume they’re going to get married, but they end up not getting married after a breakup. All they have left is their bad memories or even their chastity stained. What they do not know is that loyalty means protecting yourself for your future wife or husband you have not met yet. Pre-marriage dating is usually kept secret, without the consent of parents. This secret relationship is similar to fire and gunpowder put together; they simply cannot stay next to each other without setting each other on fire. The third person next to the two will be the evil. Things get worse as people listen to their nafs, becoming a disgrace. So what happened? What did you gain, except regrets? Your soul got damaged and your emotions got disrupted. You can’t tell your parents. Why? Because they won’t approve. So why did you do this? Don’t deceive yourself. If your parents don’t want you to do this, then don’t get yourself in a situation where you do this secretly. Once you get married, will you be able to tell your partner: “I went there with this person. I did this and that. I held her hand?” You’ll be embarrassed by your acts and won’t tell anything. If you do things that will make you ashamed afterwards, it is certain that you will get hurt both in this earthly world and in akhirah. Allah already bestowed happiness and peace upon the concept of family. I have seen in thousands of cases that people who do not pay attention to the halal nor haram before marriage won’t find happiness in their family, even if they marry the same person. However, the ones who protect themselves before marriage establish a family filled with joy and peace. With the permission of Allah, no fight and no divorce… The reason is that there is the consent of Allah in that family. Think about it: your partner only belongs to you. No one has ever touched his/her hand, except for you. He/she protected himself/herself for you. Your peaceful love becomes a beautiful one. If you protect yourself, happiness will be waiting for you. Islam has not forbidden love, brother. However, it requires you to experience love with your halal one. If you are going to fall in love with someone, do it truthfully. Love like Prophet Muhammed (PBUH). He had loved, Aisha, too. In fact, when Aisha asked, “How do you love me?” He said, “like a deadlock.” Then Aisha said, how’s the deadlock going? He (PBUH) replied “Just like the first day.” Islam allows three exploratory meetings with a prospective spouse under the conditions of not being alone, not about sensual topics, and not wearing haram clothing. All these meetings should occur with the intent of marriage. Most of my acquaintances have already gotten married in this way. In the first meeting, you understand if it is the person you will marry. If not, then during the second meeting, you would realize eventually because the person will show their character. Moreover, there is the fact that if you have protected yourself, then you must be surrendered to Allah. It is certain that the presence of fate will happen in the marriage. That is why the one who trusts Allah will win. Open your hands to your Creator and pray! Also, be detailed and patient in your prayers. Wait for the good one from Allah. Allah will provide the best one for you. However, you must be able to trust your Lord, with all your heart. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) tells us what kind of person one should try to marry: “Women may be married for four things: her wealth, beauty, lineage or religious commitment.” He adds: “Choose the religious one, and of course, if they all come together, it would be lovely.” We also understand from this that, yes, marriage is fate, but fate means Allah’s knowledge. Otherwise, Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) would have said to us: “Don’t make any choices, it will happen by itself.” No, we will make our choices. What is the one halal thing that Allah dislikes the most? Divorce. Islam wants us to have a marriage that won’t end with divorce. To sum up, if one of your friends wants to marry, immediately, he must consult a family member or an older acquaintance so that they find a suitable person for him/her as a partner. Women must ask their older sisters, aunts, teachers. Men must talk with their fathers, brothers, uncles, and even with imams. Afterward, these people will most certainly recommend someone for them. When you go there, if you resign yourself, Allah will make you feel it. If your heart does not warm up for this person, you can meet one more time at most to talk about your expectations from marriage. If you still do not get on well, then you’ll wait for the right one. As the saying goes: “You’ll have to look for the next matches to come.” The one who believes in fate will be sure of grief. If it doesn’t happen, do not hurry. It will occur at a time that you do not expect. Let me give you a piece of advice as to what to do after it happens: live your life according to Prophet Muhammad’s (PBUH) sunnah. Do not mind the traditions like who will buy this or that… Just let them go. Say that my only condition is this: Sunnet-i Seniyye. Sunnah of the prophet Muhammad. Life of the prophet Muhammad. Everyone is nice on good days. The important thing is to focus on bad days and talk about them. Whenever we don’t get along about a subject, we will look at the sunnah, and I will accept it whether it is on my side or not. Don’t say: “I think it’s like this, like that.” Say it is like this in the sunnah. Vallahi, you will find the solution and peace there. Your mood and happiness will be wonderful. Trust me entirely on this subject. Protect yourself my brother; you will never see any benefit when you go to the haram path. There won’t be anything else except damage and regret. The best thing is to establish a family according to Islam. So until you find someone in the halal circle, protect your chastity. As a matter of fact, everybody wants their partner to be religious, whether they are a man or a woman. Then ask yourself what a religious person wants. They would want someone that has never been touched before. If you have done bad things in your past, repentance door is always open. Repent to Allah and pray for Allah to forgive them as if they have never happened. Make a sincere request for forgiveness. InshAllah, if you sincerely and wholeheartedly repent to your Lord, Allah will immaculate you. Otherwise, if you say: “I will look at whomever I want, but I want a partner that has never been looked at.”, you will not find true happiness and peace your life. Consider this, my dear brother: You’re looking at something haram, but at the same time you hope for a wife that no one looked at. If your wife doesn’t ask, the hellhounds will ask “who is the stranger in your eyes?”